


Like the Man I Know I'm Not

by Timewatcher9000



Category: Dalton Academy Series, Glee
Genre: Bullying, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Sexual Themes, Trans Male Character, Underage Drinking, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 08:29:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11437047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Timewatcher9000/pseuds/Timewatcher9000
Summary: With each passing day your anxiety only got worse. No matter what your parents had told you and no matter how much the school understood, you were still nervous that someone would say you wouldn't belong. What if the other boys found out that you aren't a real boy? It was a reoccurring thought despite being told that you were a real boy, just different.But...you began to wonder if that was really true or not.After all, boys don't have periods.Boys don't have boobs.Boys don't have a uterus.Boys don't have vaginas.Boys don't have high pitched voices.Boys have nothing that you have, which is the part that scares you the most about going to an all-boys academy.





	1. It's Only a Little Bit of Fun

You could feel your heart thumping as you swiftly paced through the halls. Your well-fit blazer, which had to be custom made, crinkled as you slowly began to jog. Luckily the halls were empty and you didn't have to worry about bumping into people. Your shoes clicked throughout the halls with each step made. Eventually another student turned into the hall you were on; you didn't pay any attention to him but you could feel his eyes staring into the back of your head.

"Hey there, wait up. What are you in a rush for?" the boy asked jogging to catch up to you.

"Trying to get to my dorm," you answered back trying to deepen your voice a bit. However, since you recently starting taking testosterone your voice not only isn't deep enough to pass well as a boy but it's also cracking. You sounded like a pre-teen boy who's starting puberrty.

You glanced in embarrassment at your voice as he chuckled softly. The boy grabbed you by your shoulders and turned you around. He suddenly leaned in real close, so close that you can almost determine the perfect shade of his eyes. Your nose touched with his and he smirked at your, once again, embarrassed face.

"You're easy to tease. What's your name?" he asked confidently, now giving a moderate amount of space between you two.

"Y/n....and yours?" came your meek reply.

The boy held his smirk and said, "Sebastian Smythe. Also, cute name. It fits perfectly for you."

His blatant flirting threw you off a bit seeing as you've never had anyone, let only another boy, be so interested. Sebastian would subtly touch you, but nothing to make you uncomfortable. He slowly walked you to your room with his hands resting on your shoulder or massaging your neck. His eyes held a firm gaze with your lips and allowed for his arm to brush against yours. The conversation was bland, but it was the standard ice-breaker for strangers.

By the time you reached your dorm Sebastian was noticeably dejected. His smile dropped slightly and he lost the excitement that once filled his eyes. You yourself didn't want the conversation to end. After all, this was a handsome man who seemed the take an interest in you. From what you could tell, he was a bit of a jerk. However, that didn't deter you from his funny commentary and flirtatious words. In fact, you found it quite endearing. It usually takes a while for you to warm up to strangers but he was doing an awfully good job at melting the thick layer of ice.

"Um...you can come in if you'd like. I don't have a dorm mate currently," you offered, surprised that you yourself even suggested it in the first place. "Oh? You don't?" Sebastian questioned you as he took up you offer. The real reason as to why you don't have a dorm mate was because of the small fact that you weren't necessarily born as a boy. As far as anatomy goes you were still female; with your testosterone shots, however, that will eventually be changing. The school was nice enough to give you your own dorm. But you weren't going to tell Sebastian that. So instead you made up some white lie about there being an uneven number of boys.

"So where were you coming from?" you asked Sebastian for the sake of conversation as you took off your blazer. "I just finished practice with the Warblers," you heard of the Warblers before, they were a group of dapper and good looking men who sang and danced, "and I must say you have certainly have the looks for it. The Warblers and I would be lucky to have a man like you with us." Sebastian finished while not so subtly checking out your ass as you bent over to untie your shoes. Feeling his gaze in your ass, you decided to have a little fun and slightly swing your hips.

"You know, all this flirting makes me think your looking for something more than just talking," you flirted back while standing straight up slowly as you stood in front of him. His smirk didn't leave his face once this entire trip and he laughed while he grabbed a hold of your hand. "And what if I am? What are you going to do about it?"

His taunts tempted you to go over there and shut him up with a kiss, but that could easily been because you had your eye on his lips yourself. For a moment you were about to snog the fuck out of the boy in front of you. But one thought held you back. 

He'll find out that you weren't a real boy.

From the way he bit his lip to the way he moved his body with each word, you could tell that he'd want more than just a kiss. But anything outside of a kiss or friendly hug with enough space between would expose you. And well, as charming as he is you haven't been around him long enough to tell how'd he react. For now you were simply going to play hard to get. You already established that you were interested, and seemed like the type to persist. "Any other boy and I might have sat right down in their lap and be all over them."

"Any other boy? And what makes me different? Am I not handsome enough for you?" Sebastian said, voice getting teasingly more intimidating as you challenged him.

"Not to sure big boy, I just don't feel like it. Now shouldn't you be going to that precious little boy group of yours?" you rebutted walking towards the door to let him out. 

"Well, if you want to see me and that boy group perform then drop by Friday after school. I'm sure you'll change your mind about me then."

"We'll see," you said lightly closing the door on his smirking face.


	2. I Wan'na Be Like You

Sebastian has been visiting you whenever he could throughout that week. From Wednesday, the day you two met, all the way to Friday he would go out his way to find you in the halls, walk you to your dorm, and visit you whenever he could. You did the same thing too. After all, he was practically a close friend by this point. You two even memorized each other's schedules; you guys were already becoming inseparable.

Eventually Friday rolled around, you weren't sure why you did in fact go to the Warblers practice room after school; there are so many better things to be doing on a Friday night like clubbing. You never miss the opportunity to party. You did like to have fun after all. Yet here you were, maybe it was because you've always dreamed of joining them. 

After all, they were classy, smooth, handsome, and everything that a perfect gentleman should be. That was all what you wanted to be. You wanted to be classy like them, have all the right words at the right time like them, be dashing like them, be kind like them, and be the perfect gentleman like them. It's one of the few dreams that has yet to died out. 

All you ever wanted was to be the polite man who held the door open, the kind man who was always there to help out his family, the loyal man who would treat his partner right, the great man who was respected. Refined, graceful, talented, educated, chivalrous, empathetic, and strong was the type of man you wanted to be; essentially, the Renaissance Man ideal is what you looked up to. The Warblers were all of that. 

As you walked into the room you found the dancing group simply waiting, as if they were waiting for you to enter. Which was probably exactly what was going on because two unknown boys urged you to the couch and soon the rest of them started to sing. You were just waiting for Sebastian to lead the way because the rest of the boys simply danced and sung what was obviously the background vocals.

"You look so beautiful today.

When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away.

So I try to find the words that I could say.

I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away.

And I cant lie,

Every time I leave my heart turns gray,

And I want to come back home to see your face.

And I,

'Cause I just cant take it."

Sebastian's voice echoed from behind and you smiled. Out of everything in the world to serenade you with, he picked a Simple Plan song. Talk about cheesy.

"Another day without you with me,

Is like a blade that cuts right through me.

But I can wait,

I can wait forever.

When you call my heart stops beating.

When you're gone it wont stop bleeding.

But I can wait,

I can wait forever."

Sebastian now stood in front of you and eventually got in sync with the rest of the Warblers who all danced and sang with as much passion as they could muster. The song was a bit slow and more intimate than you would've expected coming from a man you meet just three days earlier.

"You look so beautiful today.

It's like every time I turn around I see your face.

The thing I miss the most is waking up next to you.

When I look into your eyes, I wish that I could stay.

And I cant lie.

Every time I leave my heart turns gray,

And I want to come back home to see your face.

And I,

'Cause I just cant take it."

You knew Sebastian was serenading you and you knew you should've been ready to throw yourself at him after. But for whatever reason you couldn't focus on Sebastian but rather how the Warblers, as a whole, had the ideal characteristics of a perfect man. The type of man you wanted to be.

"Another day without you with me,

Is like a blade that cuts right through me.

But I can wait,

I can wait forever.

When you call my heart stops beating.

When you're gone it wont stop bleeding.

But I can wait,

I can wait forever."

You decided not to focus on that factor too much. It's not like you could ever join. You can't sing properly with your voice cracks and you have terrible rhythm. So singing and dancing are out of the question. Not to mention just being in class made you extremely self-conscious being a group like the Warbler would only make that insecurity worse.

"I know it feels like forever.

I guess that's just the price I gotta pay,

But when I come back home to feel your touch,

Makes it better.

'Till that day,

There's nothing else that I can do.

And I just cant take it.

I just cant take it."

You could however, snap to the beat and sway. So that's exactly what you did. Sebastian slowly stalked to you with a large smirk on his face. He snapped his fingers and twirled around before sliding on his knees to sing the last verse.

"Another day without you with me,

Is like a blade that cuts right through me.

But I can wait,

I can wait forever.

When you call my heart stops beating.

When you're gone it wont stop bleeding.

But I can wait,

I can wait forever.

I can wait forever.

I can wait forever."

The large grin that made its way onto your face couldn't be hidden as Sebastian got up from the ground sit next to you. He wrapped an arm around you.

"So what do you think of me now?" Sebastian asked while leaning in closer. You backed up a bit laughing. He was certainly arrogant, but he was also fun, sassy, attractive, and playful. Maybe it was has relaxed personality that made you grow a bit attached to the boy; the same day you met him you were already flirting and poking fun at each other. It simply seemed like that was the type of person he was; he had to ability to befriend anyone he wanted to. It was simply a matter of trying and taking an interest in someone.

"Eh, it was good but not enough to change my mind on anything," you replied acting like you didn't have that much of an interest. Which was a complete lie; you just didn't want him to think that you were another one of his fuck toys that he shags the day he meets and then leaves. You refused to be used by him. This was a friendship that was going to last and you were going to make sure of it.

"You think you can do better? Go on and sing a number for us then," Sebastian teased as the other Warblers chuckled and agreed. You rolled your eyes and rejected his command.

"You know I can't sing well. I can barely talk without my voice cracking let alone sing." Sebastian laughed at your comment to tease, "Oh? Is the baby boy finally going through puberty?" His taunts weren't necessarily wrong. Getting testosterone shots is like instant puberty. You're a lot more sweaty and hairy than before. You're voice is cracking. You're hormone levels are crazy imbalanced. You were surprised that he hasn't caught on yet, especially since puberty should have ended in middle school years. You didn't want to expose yourself though, so you went along with the joke.

"I'm a late bloomer. Momma tells me that it just means that I'm going to be more handsomer than the other boys," you exaggerated to Sebastian earning a few chuckles from the others who were just relaxing around the room. One of those boys jumped into the conversation to add, "I wonder what you'll look like then because you already look better than the average guy."

You felt yourself get bashful with those words. "Oh, um. Thanks. You don't look to bad yourself." Sebastian wasn't having any of it. He scoffed slightly and turned to you to say, "So you get all shy and bashful around him?" You felt like he was just poking fun like he usually does but you couldn't help but feel like he was serious, even if it was just a little.

"How about a date then? You and me tomorrow night at Scandals. And I promise to sweep you off your feet," Sebastian offered, hoping up in excitement and extending his hand to you. You took his hand and stood up with a roll of your eyes.

"Sneaking into a gay bar on a Saturday night to get drunk and hung over. How romantic," came your sarcastic reply as Sebastian twirled you, "But I guess I'll go. Not like I don't have anything better to do."

"Or because you just like me that much," Sebastian said brushing his lips against your chin. "Don't mess with my chin man, I'm trying to get this jawline to grow in," you joked as you pulled back. One of the other Warblers, most of which either left or where doing their own thing, looked at you funny with a confused smile. Sebastian picked you up and you yelped out in shock and nervousness. 

"Put me down you ingrown toenail!" you shouted as you squirmed in his arms. He laughed out and one of the Warblers came up next to him with his arms extended. Sebastian lightly tossed you and you felt your heart almost completely stop as you were airborne for a second or two. You landed in a different pair of strong arms which clung in tightly to. Your laughter couldn't be hidden as you held your chest at where your heart should be. "Holy fuck I wasn't ready. My crops, I think my crops are dying," you laughed out in shock. 

"I arrive in the room. Me:Flying. Crops:Dead. Heart:Pounding. I am forcibly removed from the room," the Warbler holding you said. "Oh so I see your a fellow meme. My name, in case you didn't know, is y/n," you introduced yourself to the man who was now holding you. "Antonio. My name is Antonio," the man responded. Sebastian held out his arms and said, "Pass him back this way."

Antonio tossed you back to Sebastian and you cried out as you and Sebastian toppled over. 

"Oh god, that hurts like a bitch," you complained as you were pulled up by Antonio who had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.

"Damn, I forgot how strong they were," Sebastian said while rubbing his tailbone. 

"They?" you questioned, slightly surprised at the use of neutral pronouns. You didn't expect to find someone who used those pronouns here.

"Oh yeah, those are the pronouns that I go by," Antonio said nonchalantly. You almost felt bad for referring to them as a boy for these past few minutes. But they didn't seem that bothered by it so you didn't let it get to either.

But if Antonio went by neutral pronouns, then that must mean that the Warblers had some exposure to the trans community. Maybe you can tell them? Perhaps you should ask Antonio about it first.

"Earth to y/n?" Sebastian snapped his fingers in front of your face. "Ant's pronouns couldn't have shocked you that much."

"Oh no, not at all. I just was thinking," you said looking at Sebastian, "and did you just call them Ant? How cute!"

Antonio rolled their eyes. A ding caused them to look down at their phone and the message that they saw made them smile in shock.

"Who is it? You're lover? What'd they say?" A Warbler from the back asked. Antonio looked up at you and read the text out loud. "How gay does it have to be to turn straight?"

Sebastian let out a small laugh, "That sounds like the plot to every single one of my nightmares."

"If that ain't me," you joined in making dramatic poses. You could get use to hanging out with these guys. None of them seemed bad or judgmental. Just sitting here, laughing like you guys knew each other for years was a wonderful feeling.

The only two things you had to remotely worry about was:

Coming out.

And tomorrow night.


	3. Mind Meld

          You let out a shaky breath as you looked at yourself in the mirror. You, for the hundredth time, checked out your outfit. It was a simple Yankee's t-shirt tucked into a pair of slacks with "dressy" shoes. It wasn't necessarily a "matching" outfit but you thought you looked rather good. Yet you couldn't stop looking at yourself in the mirror. You weren't sure why you were so hooked on your appearance. Well, that was actually a lie. You wanted to make sure that you looked masculine enough to pass as a boy.

          Deciding that you spent enough time over your looks you walked out of your dorm and headed to the parking lot where you spotted Sebastian waiting for you at the front. You checked the time to make sure that you weren't late. But you were instead early, meaning that Sebastian showed up even earlier. "I hope I didn't leave you waiting long," you mumbled out as you and Sebastian lazily high-fived. He shook his head no, "No. I just showed up early. Maybe we could just chill and talk for a bit. I'm too lazy to get up." Sebastian looked up at you from his place on the ground with a grin. You scoffed lightly and sat down on the curb next to him, hugging your legs. 

          "You look rather nice," you awkwardly complimented him as you stared at his brownish and white striped collared shirt. He mumbled a 'thank you' only for the two of you to fall into an uncomfortable silence. 

          "What do you usually do when you go out to Scandals....at least with a date," you asked. You knew fully well what Sebastian would do if he was going alone; everyone knew what a player Sebastian was. But with a date? It'd be rude to just leave in the middle of the date to hook up with some stranger.

          "Um, well. I was hoping that we could get some drinks and dance a little bit. Nothing too crazy or anything like that."

          You felt yourself growing nervous. This wouldn't be the first time you've had to sneak into an establishment like this, but it was certainly the first time you were out on a date. Usually it was you and your friends messing around. You knew that you should've just treated Sebastian as if he was a good friend but that was a lot easier said than done. In a group it was much easier; in a group setting everyone would contribute and it's easier to keep a decent conversation flowing. With the two of you it was dependent on you and him to connect. And you wanted a real friendship with him, not just the flirting and corny jokes that's been happening for the past few days between you two.

          "So when did you transfer here? I haven't seen you around before," he asked you. You glanced up at him in slight shock that he was the one to start up the conversation.

          "Oh I came here from California, my parents wanted a bit of break from the LA life I suppose." He looked surprised at your answer before a grin broke out on his face. "Really? What was it like? I bet it's so much better then here." Sebastian looked curious and excited as he waited for you to answer him. 

          Honestly you weren't really sure how to answer him. Sure LA was much more exciting and lively then Ohio, but that was only if you made your life worth the ride. "I guess, but that's only if you put the effort to make your life fun. The only thing that made it fun to live there is that I always found something to do. The same thing goes for here too. But what about you? I'm sure you've seen some interesting things in Paris," you replied leaning back. 

          "Oh yeah, almost every night was a party. The nightlife was so beautiful...." Sebastian mumbled as he stared off. His face looked almost wanting. "You really miss it there don't you?" Your question brought him out of his day dream and he chuckled, "Yeah. I'd do anything to go back."

          You hopped up to your feet and held your hand out for him, "Well, are we going to go have some fun or not?" You didn't expect yourself to take the lead like this but there no point in wishing upon a star when you could be having fun. Any nervousness you had before was gone as he took your hand. You hopped into his car as he started the engine. "What music do you usually listen to?"

          He shrugged in response to your question and you both listened as My Chemical Romance played. "Oh yes, this is what I'm talking about!" You shouted before falling in sync with the song.

          "The future is bulletproof, The aftermath is secondary! It's time to do it now and do it loud. Killjoys, make some noise," you laughed as you head-banged to the beat. You could hear Sebastian's chuckles next to you. He eventually joined in too.

          "Drugs, gimme drugs, gimme drugs. I don't need it but I'll sell what you got and take the cash," he sang exaggerated as he rocked his shoulders to match his aggressive singing. "Love, gimme love, gimme love. I don't need it but I'll take what I want from your heart," you sang, placing a hand over where your heart should be and reclining your seat all the way back as he pointed at you with each beat. The entire car ride continued with the two of you wildly dancing and singing. With the occasional corny or stupid joke that arose.

          "What if I can't get in," you asked once you noticed that the two of you entered into the parking lot of Scandals. "What do you mean," Sebastian asked nonchalantly, looking for a parking spot. "What do you mean what do I mean? I look like a pre-teen boy. Not to mention I sound like one," you exclaimed. Sebastian just made an 'O' shape with his mouth and shrugged. "Then I guess we just won't get in. Maybe we can hit the mall or movies."

          Much to your dismay, you and Sebastian were able to get in without a problem. "What the fuck? I look like a child Seb," you commented, looking at him seriously.

"Sebastian, the guards don't care if a 13 years old boy enters the bar with a what they assume to be a grown man."

"Sebastian, I'm a 13 year old boy in a gay bar."

"Sebastian, don't leave me alone for a second because I don't want to be caught; I look like a pre-teen boy."

          Sebastian rolled his eyes at your comments and grabbed your hand. "Don't worry, ill protect you from the big bad wolf," he teased lightly.

          The two of you took a seat at the bar. Sebastian ordered some beer while you got a cosmo. "You know, I think that you should join the Warblers," Sebastian stated out of the blue while staring down at his drink, "so that way we can hang out more. Plus you have a killer voice. You'd definitely help us out."

          Taken aback by the suggestion you stuttered out a, "Oh, well. I don't know. I already told you that my voice cracks will get in the way."

          Sebastian raised a brow and asked, "So why is your voice cracking? Is there something wrong with your vocals that you can't fix?"

          There was a long pause in the conversation before you responded, "No, like I said before, I'm just an extremely late bloomer. It should stop eventually though." That was the perfect opportunity to tell him that you were trans. Seeing the boys with Antonio should've helped too. Yet your mouth suddenly became dry and you could only give a meek response of you being a late bloomer.

          You knew that your excuse wasn't very believable, but Sebastian didn't press on any further despite the look on his face that gave away his suspicion. 

          "Now what is handsome thing like you doing with this little boy," some man said as he slid into a stool next to Sebastian. You could feel your head already shaking, "Shaking my head. I told you this was going to happen," you couldn't stop yourself from making the remark. The man looked at you with irritation before he turned his attention back to Sebastian. 

          "As I was saying, how about you come with me?" The man wouldn't stop pestering Sebastian, who simply looked at him in boredom. "I'm not interested," he said to the man. "Aw come on. Why not?" The creepy man refused to take no for an answer. You could feel Sebastian starting to grow irritated and you could also tell that it was only a matter of time before Sebastian used that sharp tongue he was known for. The stranger soon started to place his hands on Sebastian's thigh and waist. You felt rage build up and you were about to shove the guy, but Sebastian was quicker with his words.

          "Why not? Oh maybe it's because you smell like something died. Maybe it's because your face is so wrinkly that it makes you look like you're made of leather. Maybe it's because one eye is bigger than the other, not to mention that one is also farther from your nose. Maybe it's because you think you have the right to put your hands on me. Maybe it's because you're too stupid to understand when someone is disgusted with you so you interpret it as playing hard to get," each word flying out of Sebastian's mouth made you want to laugh. The shock on the man's face didn't help you at all and soon you busted out laughing. Sebastian slowly started to smirk, soon he was joining in with the laughter. The man glared at the two of you before he stomped off. 

          "Yo, you're absolutely wild Bas," you started before Sebastian interrupted you. "It was whatever. I'm going to go put on a song."

          You seen he was trying not to laugh, but didn't bother to get his attention as he got up to go to the jukebox. You watched him walk off before you turned to the bartender to ask for another drink. You were able to have a few drinks before he turned back to you. Looking at him walking back, you noticed a rather larger man walking away from Sebastian. "That's just a friend of mine that I was talking to. He's nothing to worry about," Sebastian said when he noticed your eyes following the man. You didn't have time to ponder on it any longer as the sudden urge to use the restroom took over. "Gotta take a leak, I'll be back," you excused yourself.

          Going to the bathroom was always a nerve racking experience. There's been multiple times where you've waited for everyone to leave in order to use it. Men don't pee when sitting down, so when people see that you're sitting it makes them suspicious.

          One time a drunk guy was banging on your stall door trying to find out if you were taking a shit or doing drugs. There's been times when there's too many people in the bathroom so you've held your pee in for hours. Using public restrooms was never a fun experience for you. But you really had to go, so you did.

          And just your luck too. You've could've just used the restroom and been done with it, but instead you were confronted by the creep from earlier. 

          "Well if it ain't that little boy from earlier?" The man's breath reeked with alcohol, which simply let you know how much he was drinking. "Tell me, how did a kid like you manage to get a fox hooked around your finger? That cutie you were with deserves a real man."

          You knew that he didn't mean anything by that. He was just poking fun at your kiddish appearance and trying to get into Sebastian's pants. But the implications that you weren't a real man hurt a lot more than you'd like to admit. 

          "Answer me," the drunk shouted as he pinned you against the wall. The sound of your back slamming against the wall echoed. Your head started to throb as the man continued yelling at you. You couldn't be bothered to make out what he was saying. But you could tell it was a combination of slurs about your skin color, your kiddish looks, and maybe even some about your assumed sexuality. That last one would've made you chuckled if it wasn't for the fact that everything was getting hazy and you felt more pain on your head as he punched you. 

          Suddenly you sunk to the ground as the drunk was ripped off of you. You glanced up to see Sebastian punching the guy. You quickly stood up and grabbed ahold of Sebastian. You dragged him out of the restroom before the man had time to recompose himself. Luckily he was a lot more drunk than you thought; he stumbled around on the group when you were leaving. "You took a long time in there, I got worried," Sebastian said with irritation evident in his voice. "Good thing you came, I'm not very strong. But we should probably get out of here and go to that movie you mentioned earlier."

          Sebastian chuckled when he saw how quickly you got into his car. "In a hurry?"

          You looked at him like he was stupid. "Hell yeah. God you people are crazy," you mumbled as you gave him a side-eyed look. He simply laughed at your comment before he asked, "So where did you want to go? I'd rather not do movies because we won't be talking at all to each other."

          You shrugged. "I mean, I don't really care. But if you can't think of anything else then there's this secret spot at one of the parks. It's like this canyon in the woods."

          He looked at you without any emotion before deadpanning, "Yet you were talking about how crazy I am."

You glared at him. "Man whatever, just go where I tell you to."

          The car ride was a decent length, but the time seemed to stop as you two were lost in your own world. Yet it also seemed like it went by too fast. 

          "Alright, just a little bit of walking and we'll be there," you lead the way for Sebastian. He followed you into a small, vaguely made path behind the park. He noticed multiple man-made paths that lead in all different directions. "How do you know where to go in all this mess," Sebastian glared at his surroundings as he questioned you. "Have you ever been so bored that you just went outside and explored some shit? Just know that when your friends say that they're going to keep in touch during summer that they lied."

          Eventually you two reached the canyon that you mentioned before. There were already seats placed all around with shovels, buckets, and a bunch of other random house hold objects. "Me and my friends come here a lot," you whispered thinking back to the year prior when you 'claimed' this spot as your own.

          "Fun," came the respond as Sebastian tried to not show his discomfort at being outside in the woods, "it's a bit too dirty though, don't you think?"

          You shook your head 'no' at his words. "But enough of your complaining. To keep up with my tradition, we will be playing mind meld."

          "Mind meld? What the hell is that?" Sebastian looked genuinely confused at the game. You couldn't help but chuckle at his face.

          "It's basically this game where we each have to think of a random word. Then we'll say it out loud. With the two words we said we have to find something in common and say that out loud at the same time. If we say the same word then we finish. If we don't then we just have to repeat the process until we do. So are you ready?" You walked down the poorly carved out steps that were in the canyon floor and walked over to one of the many chair placed out. "Do you need me to help you down, princess?"

          Sebastian stuck out his tongue and mocked you, "Do you need me to help you down, princess?"

          Scoffing, you sat down and watched him while he slowly made his way to you. He soon was sitting by your side and he looked at you expectantly. 

"Alright, you ready? One....two....three....go!"

"Night," you exclaimed.

"Bugs," Sebastian shouted at the same time as you.

          "Alright, so we got night and bugs. This is going to be easy," you told him as you leaned back with the perfect word in your head. Sebastian nodded and listened to you count down again.

"Bedbugs!"

"Nightbugs!"

          "Nightbugs? Really Sebastian," you groaned out as he looked at you with a sheepish grin. You gave him a minute to think about his word before you did the count down.

"Bites!"

"Mosquitos!"

          A small sound of disappointment came from the two of you. "Alright, so this time I'm going broad, like very broad," you advised him before counting down.

"Bugs!"

"Insects!"

          You both looked at each other in shock. "Damn! Does that count? It's practically the same thing," Sebastian whined. You shrugged, "Alright so now I'm thinking about a certain bug that is very common among gardens. And it's yellow."

"Bees!"

"Spiders!"

          You slapped Sebastian on his arm, "Really? Spiders?" He grabbed onto your hand while chuckling, "I thought of bees too. I should've just said bees." You shook your head at him. "Alright I got a word," he said while playing with his lips. You counted down.

"Memes!"

"A Bug's Life!"

          It was Sebastian's turn to look at you funny, "Memes? How?" You covered your head in your hands, shaking with laughter. "You know that one meme that always shows up around Christmas with the spider drinking hot coco? And then I thought of how the Bee Movie went viral." Sebastian rolled his eyes at your explanation before smirking, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" You stared at him with a stupid look on your face which prompted him to say, "So A Bug's Life is a movie. And you mentioned memes." You took a breath before smiling, "I think I get where you're going with this. Does it by any chance have to do with what I mentioned in my explanation?" Sebastian nodded.

"Bee Movie!"

"Bee Movie!"

          You jumped up and high-fived Sebastian, who looked just as pleased as you did. "We did it. We made it. I'd just like to thank my mom and dad for raising me to appreciate the dankest things in life. And um, shout out to my boi Sebastian for communicating with me telepathically. Um," you pretended to talk to a camera as you used your hand to emphasize your words. Sebastian looked at you like you were a bit weird before he bursted out into a fit of laughter.

This date was going a lot better than you imagined it would.


	4. Blushing Dragon

You heard rumors about him.

People told you of all the bad things he's done to those around him.

          And a part of you knew it was all true. After hanging out with Sebastian for so long you witnessed how bitchy he got with people. You witnessed some of his cruelty first hand on that fateful Saturday night at Scandals a few months back. You couldn't hear what was being said but by the way that Karofsky kid walked away it couldn't have been good. You knew Sebastian said something rude to him at the jukebox; his amused look gave it all away. He tried to play it off by buying you a drink and saying that he was talking to an "old friend". 

          Which was a total lie. You knew that Karofsky went to McKinley and that Sebastian almost always refuses to associate with people from public schools. You've also seen Sebastian with his friends, while he was still a jerk he would never do anything to truly hurt them. Karofsky looked like he was about to cry.

          So the news of him trying to blackmail Rachel Berry, a very talented member of McKinley's glee club, didn't surprise you. The news of him slushing Blaine Anderson, a former Dalton boy, that resulted in surgery didn't surprise you. The news of all the nasty words he casually threw at Kurt Hummel, a preppy kid who seemed pleasant enough, didn't surprise you.

          It irked you to no end. People told you that he's calmed down a bit and hasn't been as aggressive as before, but it didn't help the rage you felt every time you thought about it. He's done such awful things. Yet you could tell he's not a bad person. From the way he's always checking on his fellow Warblers' well-being to the way he's always willing to help strangers on the street. If someone he knows is in real distress he'll give advice, make jokes, and comfort them. You've witnessed some of this stuff first-hand.

           When Antonio hunted down Sebastian to your dorm he completely broke down in his arms. Antonio brought up insecurities that Sebastian could have easily used against them or made fun of them for. You were actually surprised that he didn't do anything bad but instead provided support.

          When Trent was going through his small episodes of depression or anxiety Sebastian was one of the few people who knew how to help. Trent almost always went straight to Sebastian when he felt like his anxiety was becoming too overwhelming.

          When Nick and Jeff need help with a petty argument Sebastian helps them. Sebastian walked the couple through thick and thin of their relationship. He became sort of a counselor to the couple.

          Sebastian was a good man, he just refuses to show it or act on it to anyone other than his fellow Warblers or the occasional stranger. Everything about him became confusing to you. Sebastian was able to torment these people, yet you can't wrap your head around how he doesn't understand or care that what he's doing is wrong.

          How does he not picture a hurt and sad Trent that day he humiliated Karofsky?

          How does he not picture a heartbroken Nick and Jeff when he sabotages Kurt and Blaine's relationship?

          How does he not picture a perplexed and betrayed Antonio whenever he throws insults at Kurt?

          How does he not picture an almost blind you when he thinks of the time he threw the rock salted slushy at Blaine?

          You must admit though, he has been getting better ever since hearing the new of Karofsky's attempted suicide. Ever since then he's been less petty with people in school and he's been a lot less arrogant than he use to be. Trent and the rest of the boys have been a big help in that. Sebastian isn't as distant as he once was when around the Warblers. He seems more at home, friendly almost.

          So that Wednesday night when Sebastian came over to your house, you knew that you had to confront him about his behavior. It was something you've been meaning to do for a while, but you couldn't find yourself to do it. There was always something distracting you.

          Whenever you were at lunch you and him would flirt or joke. And you could never find yourself to bring up what you wanted to say because the two of you would have such a good time that you didn't want it to end. If that wasn't happening then you'd be with the Warblers, which you would rather not get them involved and make things awkward during their practice.

          Whenever he came over to your house you two would always be bombarded by your family, especially your kid sister who was always trying to figure out if you two were dating.

          You two always had grades and your clubs to keep up with so during school was out of the question.

          Whenever you were at his house the two of you ended up in his family's pool, would go to brunch with his family at the country club, would get drunk whenever his parents weren't home, or some other dumb shit. The getting drunk scenario is what would usually happen though. You can't be rich if you're lazy after all; Sebastian's parents were complete workaholics. So with parents always gone and two teenage boys with complete access to vodka never ended boring or safe. It was impossible to count the amount of times you completely crashed out in Sebastian's home. It was impossible to count the amount of times you went to school completely hung over smelling like absolute trash. 

          It was impossible to have any serious talks at his house; that's why most of it happened late at night over the phone or text. Last time you went over, which was only about four days ago, you two got completely hammered. Yet despite that, you could remember everything clearly. Maybe it was because you weren't as drunk as you'd like to admit because then that would mean that you were completely aware of the situation you found yourself in that day.

          It starts off like normal, you went over to Sebastian's house unexpectedly just to hang out and have some fun. You were incredibly bored dealing with your family and Sebastian always managed to find a way to cure that. Over the few months that you've known him you became very close friends. Almost best friends. Sometimes it seemed like more than friends. The two of you never really spoke about your relationship or obvious interest in each other. After all, that is how you two met, over your attraction to each other. However, when it came to dealing with actual feelings things became awkward, you two became bashful. The lingering touches between you two, the intense stares, the closeness whenever you two were alone, and the other subtlety romantic moments became confusing. But you never let that get to you, nor did he.

          So going over his house that day you expected to just laze around playing video games or tease each other like you normally did when you weren't getting fucked up. But it didn't quite turn out that way. His parents, not to your surprise, weren't home. So when you walked in it didn't shock you to find him in the kitchen already mixing drinks and creating his favorite cocktail, the Blushing Dragon. The sweet smell of mango as he cut the fruit in half filled your nostrils as he prepared the drink without giving you a second glance. You weren't sure where he learned to make this drink but it didn't matter. Because the way he quickly picked up the bottle of Vodka was a lot more attractive than it should have been. The way his fingers curled around the bottle and the careful way the poured the drink as he was completely concentrated didn't help your gawking; you could picture him with that same look on his face as he towers over you in bed. But you instead remained watching as he poured the drink into the blender rather than being pinned down by him. The pattering of the vodka as it landed into the blender was soothing as you watched Sebastian take a huge gulp straight from the bottle. He placed it down with a sigh and turned to look at you with a smirk.

          Next was the Cointreau, he poured the drink and once again he took a huge gulp from the bottle. By this rate Sebastian was going to be drunk before the cocktail was finished. He didn't seem to care though and even encouraged you to take a couple of sips too. But you refused, knowing that you couldn't handle alcohol the way he could. If you were to join you'd for sure be throwing yourself at him.

          Sugar syrup was poured into the blender and he didn't take a sip of that, which was something you weren't shocked at because you'd imagine how disgusting tasting straight sugar syrup would taste. But the longer you thought the more you realize that you wouldn't have been too shocked if he did; Sebastian has always been known to be very unpredictable. Then he poured lemon juice into mix, but not before he slowly leaned over to you and place a raspberry into your mouth. The feeling of his fingertips against your lips made your mind go completely blank. Your lips wrapped around his fingers as you used your tongue to collect the raspberry from his grip. He seemed to be just as into it as you were, but he pulled his hand away to continue on with the drinks. You weren't sure what came over you at that moment, but the sudden sexual tension that was almost too much to bear.

          He didn't pay attention to it though; he grabbed a handful of crushed ice and tossed it into the blender. You attempted to not pay too much attention to his movements or his flirty looks during this whole process; the key word is attempted. You knew that he was aware of your staring and arousal but you couldn't find yourself to care that much. In about ten minutes you both were going to be wasted and nothing else would matter. Nothing but the mini party you two were going have would come up. Not the exams that you should be studying for, not the next Warbler practice that Sebastian would need to prepare for, and certainly not you confronting him about his asshole-ish ways.

          All that drinking he had done certainly wasn't helping. He clumsily threw in the mangos, strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries before he turned on the blender to mix it all. You arousal slowly subsided as the intensely sweet smell attacked your nostrils and your mouth started to water at the thought of finally tasting this drink. Your wants didn't last for long as he swiftly poured a cup for the two of you and added whipped cream and cherries.

          The two of you went into his living room with your drinks in hand. He sloppily walked up to his iPod to go select some music to play as you savored the taste of the cherries you slowly ate. Soon Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People started to blast through the house as he gracefully danced with his drink in hand; in hindsight it wasn't the most upbeat song to dance to especially when considering the lyrics but neither of you two could care. You could only laugh as he let loose of his seductive and calculating ways. Instead he slowly became more playful through out the song, making exaggerated dance moves and singing poorly. You couldn't hold back your fits of laughter as you grooved with the music on the couch, taking sips of your drink. Sebastian sipped from his drink too, using the straw as a microphone. Little by little you found yourself getting more and more giddy as the night went on. By the time you were beginning your third drink it was safe to say you were pretty fucking tipsy. Yet you weren't as wasted as Sebastian, who wasn't completely drunk and incoherent but he was certainly getting there. 

          You two danced drunkenly to the music playing in the background before an idea popped in your head. On the way in you spotted some helium balloons, from what you assumed was left over from the celebration of his aunt's birthday that you recalled him mentioning at lunch the day before. You giggled in excitement as he called after you in confusion. His footsteps could be hear from behind you as he saw you jumping up to grab the balloons that were floating. "Let's play with helium!" You shouted as you ran past him back to the living room with a small handful of balloons. 

          He followed you with a few balloons in his hand and you both jumped onto the couch, ignoring the drinks that have been spilled from all your dancing and running around the room. You both got comfortable on the couch as you took in large amounts of helium. 

          "Thanks for having me over Sebby!" You laughed as your voice was extremely high pitched and squeaky. Sebastian let out shrilly chuckles at your voice resulting in you letting out just as high and annoying giggles. For the next few songs you both put on dramatic performances using the helium. The intense giggle fits, animated dancing, and terrible singing would've made you two look like maniacs to anyone who would see it; that is of course if you two were in public.

          Eventually you guys ran out of helium, not because you guys used it all but because you guys wasted it; you two were too buzzed to save it properly and the balloons quickly emptied themselves out seeing as you left it open. You guys didn't let that stop you and instead went back to the kitchen to do some more drinking. Well at least you were, until one of your favorite songs came on and you dragged Sebastian to the living room again.

"Turn it up

Somebody save your soul 'cause you've been sinning in this city, I know

Too many troubles, all these lovers got you losing control

You're like a drug to me, a luxury, my sugar and gold

I want the good life, every good night you're a hard one to hold."

          The song was fast-paced and upbeat. The lyrics were flirtatious and sensual. Just like how your guys' dancing was. It wasn't anything professional, or good for that matter. It was just the two of you swaying your hips to the beat and bouncing. 

"'Cause you don't even know

I can make your hands clap

Said I can make your hands clap."

          He did eventually pull you in close and you both started to dance on each other. He wrapped his hands around your waist as you slung an around around his neck with your other one pressed against his chest.

"Somebody save your soul 'cause you've been sinning in this city, I know

Too many troubles, all these lovers got you losing control

You're like a drug to me, a luxury, my sugar and gold

I want your sex and your affection when they're holdin' you close."

          You grinded your hips against his as he pulled you in close, breathing heavily on your neck. He moved one of his hands to grope your butt as the other one slithered around your shoulder to your chest.

"'Cause you don't even know

I can make your hands clap

Said I can make your hands clap."

          Looking back at it now you kind of regret it. Because he could easily feel that your chest wasn't completely flat. He would be able to tell that you have a more curvy figure then most guys from the way he was holding you. And the grinding would give away that you don't have a dick like most guys do. But at the time you couldn't really find it in you to care.

"Every night when the stars come out

Am I the only living soul around?

Need to believe you could hold me down

'Cause I'm in need of somethin' good right now

We could be screamin' till the sun comes out

And when we wake we'd be the only sound

Get on my knees and say a prayer to James Brown."

          The only thing you could care about was how his lips felt against your neck and how his hand rubbed all over your body. It felt like fire as your bodies pressed against each other. His touch was hot, which contrasted with the cold room; the sensation almost made you melt.

"That I can make your hands clap

That I can make your hands clap

(Turn it up)

That I can make your hands clap."

          You two eventually stopped dirty dancing and instead went into a full on make out session. He picked you up and had you wrap your legs around his waist as he laid you guys down on the couch.

"My flesh is searchin' for your worst and best, don't ever deny

I'm like a stranger, gimme me danger, all your wrongs and your rights

Secrets on Broadway to the freeway, you're a keeper of crimes

Fear no conviction, grapes of wrath can only sweeten your wine."

          He straddled you and gave you light kisses all over your skin. You could tell how tired he was getting. Between all the drinking, the dancing, the singing, and how late it was you weren't surprised he looked like he wanted to pass out.

"But you don't even know

I can make your hands clap

Said I can make your hands clap."

          None of that stopped him though. He simply snuggled into you and continued to press light kisses into your neck in an almost endearing way.

"Every night when the stars come out

Am I the only living soul around?

Need to believe you could hold me down

'Cause I'm in need of somethin' good right now

We could be screamin' till the sun comes out

And when we wake we'd be the only sound

Get on my knees and say a prayer to James Brown."

          His touches were not longer filled with lust, but it was replaced with content. At least what you thought to be content. From the way his body language changed it simply looked like he wanted to just be next you rather than fuck you. The sudden change in attitude was unexpected, but either way you weren't complaining.

"That I can make your hands clap

That I can make your hands clap

That I can make your hands clap

That I can make your hands clap

So can I get a hand clap?"

          Needless to say that entire night was a bust. You never ended up talking about Karofsky, Blaine, Kurt, or Rachel. Instead you made out with your best friend, got drunk, and may have outed yourself. 

There was no way you were going to his house again, at least not until a long time.


	5. Stupid Shit That Young Kids Do

"You have to stop being such an ass all the time," you deadpanned at Sebastian the second he walked into your house. Sebastian raised a brow at you and put his hands up in the air. "What are you talking about?"

You rolled your eyes as he tried to fake innocence. "I'm not dumb Seb, I know about the things you did. I mean, who doesn't. I'm just surprised you still have friends after everything." You needed to lay this bomb down quickly before anything could distract you guys.

Sebastian's smirk left his face and he quickly became defensive. An uneasy feeling suddenly settled in the pit of your stomach. "How about you mind your business? You weren't here when any of that happened, so why are you so concerned with it," Sebastian snapped.

"Maybe because what you did was fucking terrible and you need to own up to your actions. You haven't talked to a single one of those people you've fucked over. And I can't be friends with someone who won't try to grow into a decent person," you bucked back at Sebastian as he grew angry. This conversation was striking a cord in him, but you weren't sure what was bothering him so bad. 

"Your not my life coach, (y/n). You can't force me to do anything because I'm not and I don't want to. And if you don't like that then I guess we won't be friends anymore. It's not hurting me; you act like you know me when you really don't. You have no idea what I've been through and what I've done, so don't come in here and expect me to listen to you," Sebastian yelled at you, "You don't know me. So back off."

"Dude what the hell is your problem? All I said was that you're a jerk and you needed to quit acting dumb and you need to acknowledge that you fucked up. All I was going to say was that you should try to make amends with Kurt and the others. But if you want to be a miserable dick who cares about nobody but themselves then so be it," you shouted back. Luckily no one was home today otherwise you would surely get an earful for your language and volume.

"Fine then. You act like I even needed you in my life. You've only known me for a couple of months, you're friendship is easily replaceable," Sebastian spat as he left the house. 

Your heart was racing and you could feel tears starting to prick from the corner of your eyes. His words stung a lot. Maybe he was right though. If you two blew up with just a simple confrontation, although an aggressive one, then maybe you're friendship wasn't going to work out.

No matter what you thought though, you were tempted to go apologize to try to make things right again, but you didn't. First of all, you didn't really think you had anything to apologize for, maybe just the way you spoke to him rather that what you spoke. Second of all, he was just being dramatic. Sure you might've wounded his pride a bit, but that's not something to get so stressed over. Third of all, he was able to discard you're relationship without a second thought; you didn't think it was worth going to him.

You didn't know who else to go to but the Warblers, specifically Trent. Trent was probably the one who knew Sebastian the best. Plus he went to McKinley before Dalton so he probably dealt with people like Sebastian before. 

"What's up (y/n)?" Trent asked as he watched you walk into his room. His roommate, Jeff, was currently with Nick so you had the opportunity to talk to Trent without any problems. Said boy was sitting on his bed with his glasses sliding off his nose.

"I didn't know you wore glasses," you commented, smirking at how Trent turned a bit red. 

"Well you don't expect me to dance with these things on, do you?" Trent sassed as he managed to keep his face from getting more red. Laughing at his response you plopped down on the bed next to him. He himself couldn't keep a straight face; soon a huge smile spread across his face as he moved his school work from his lap and turned to you.

"So what did you need (y/n)? You looked kind of worried there for a minute," Trent asked as your face dropped. You threw yourself onto him dramatically as he ran his fingers through your hair. With your head in his lap and him massaging your head, you felt yourself grow less tense and stressed.

"Sebastian and I had our first fight and he stormed out. He said that we weren't friends anymore," you mumbled. Trent snickered at what you said. You glared up at him, but didn't bother to make any other moves. He was too comfortable to get off of.

"God you two are so dramatic. What did you even say to him?" Trent pressed on, looking amused as he watched you.

"I just told him that he needed to get his shit together and own up to the things he did, but I guess I should've worded it better," you admitted, not being able to look Trent in the eyes, which you could already tell were rolling.

"Okay, I'm only gonna say this once so listen good. Sebastian is a complete diva, not to mention stubborn. So it might be a while before he's ready to talk to you again. Just give him some time to digest you standing up to him. When the Warblers and I confronted him a little while back he completely skipped out on practice for weeks. He wouldn't even sit with us at lunch or in class. But he eventually stopped being bitter and came back around," Trent explained as he stopped playing with your hair to lean back, much to your dismay, "It may not seem like it but Sebastian is a very lonely guy and he loves the company of others. So once he realizes how much he misses his crush then he'll come crawling back." Trent's words made your pulse race.

You still gave Trent a weird look despite that, "He does not have a crush on me. He just wants to fuck me." Trent scoffed at your words and started to play with you hair again as you moved his hand to your head. 

"Please, that's probably why he felt so attacked and stormed off. He didn't even do that with the Warblers. He takes everything that people say to heart, especially if he's close to them", Trent said nonchalantly as he tugged on your hair, resulting in you letting out a yelp. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have homework I have to finish. Just remember to give him his space. He'll eventually come around."

You groaned as Trent kicked you out his dorm only to run into Jeff. "Hey Jeff, what's up with you?"

Jeff just shrugged, giving a 'not much, before saying, "Sebastian looked kind of stressed down in the cafeteria. I don't know if you want to try and cheer him up."

You frowned at bit at Jeff's words but you just gave a small thank you and headed to your dorm. You were tempted to go to the cafeteria to see him, but between Trent's advice and the fact that you guys fought only an hour ago you decided against it. 

But you were bored and needed something to distract you. So you decided to dye your hair, by yourself. You weren't sure why you wanted to do this, especially considering that fact that it could seriously damage your hair. It might've been because Sebastian was honestly most of your impulse control; if he was here he would be on your ass for even thinking such a thing. Without him around you there was literally nothing stopping you from doing it. So you did it.

On your way to go pick up hair dye and hair bleach you ran into a preppy kid with sunglasses. You recognized him as Blaine, at least you assumed it was him because he matched the descriptions and few pictures you've seen. You were tempted to strike up a conversation with him just for the sake of it; it's not like you had anything better to do. "Hey I'm (y/n)," you stated, shocking Blaine as he jumped. "Oops, sorry about that," you apologized as you held out your hand.

Blaine shook your hand with a small smile, introducing himself, "My name is Blaine. Is there something that you need?"

You shook your head, "No, I'm just trying to make a new friend. Anyways, you busy? I kind of need something to do, plus you're a cutie."

Blaine looked at you for a bit, you couldn't really tell what his expression was with the sunglasses, but soon he smiled. "Yeah we can definitely hang out. In fact, we can hang out right after here. I just need to buy some hair gel."

You chuckled at his comment, the loads of product in his hair was hard to miss. "I was actually going to dye my hair right after this, you can come along and we can hang out for a while as I do that. The only thing is that I go to Dalton so I stay in the dorms there," you offered, rambling a bit as you searched the isle for the bleach.

"Dalton? That's a bit of a drive from here. Why come all the way out here for....hair bleach?" Blaine questioned as he seen you grab what you needed. 

"Oh well, I was gonna drop by Lima Bean really quick to get some coffee. But if you don't want me to do that then we can just head straight to my dorm," you explained watching as he grabbed a decent amount of hair product.

"No, it's fine. We can go to Lima Bean. They have the best coffee anyways."

You and Blaine found yourselves at Lima Bean, chatting away. From the short conversation you could make out that he was a very friendly, and helpful person. His bubbly attitude was contagious and you found yourself getting just as excited as he was. 

"Honestly, the experience I had at Dalton was some of the best times of my life," Blaine commented as he was clearly reminiscing some memories, "Especially being apart of the Warblers. It was so much fun and it felt so....belonging."

You raised your brows at that. From the look on his face and the bittersweet tone he held in his voice anyone could tell how much he misses it. But if he loved his life so much, then why did he leave? "May I ask, why did you leave Dalton? From the way you describe your life there it seems like you should've never left."

You hoped that you weren't stepping over any boundaries. But Blaine didn't seem too bothered by your question considering the fact that he cheerfully answered, "I transferred to McKinley with my boyfriend. I couldn't really find myself being apart from him."

His story was cute, it really was. But you couldn't help but feel like his decision was stupid. Why give up your happiness for some boy? If Dalton was his home and the Warblers were his family like he truly claims then his boyfriend shouldn't have the power to tear him all away from that. It's not like they never would've been able to see each other again when his boyfriend left. Blaine originally had loyalties to the Warblers to to suddenly give everything up and dismiss all those memories for Kurt seemed....stupid. It might've been your bias towards Dalton that made you think this, but even so you could never find yourself to willingly leave your happiness behind for Sebastian, no matter how much you liked him.

You had to shake your thoughts away and forced yourself to pay attention to Blaine as he went on and on about Kurt. It's not like you wanted a relationship with Sebastian. He was an egotistical prick who barley knew when to apologize for hurting others without someone yelling at him. Besides, you were supposed to be mad at him; you can't just call someone an asshole and abandon your friendship just to say you like them a couple hours later.

"(Y/n)? Are you okay?" Blaine asked once he noticed that you were blanking out.

You snapped your attention back to him and smiled, "Yeah. I was just thinking. Sorry about that."

Blaine grinned back at you, but it slowly fell. His face was almost puppy-like as he leaned in closer with a concerned look. "What were you thinking about? Are you sure that everything is okay?" 

You were ready to tell him a white lie, but you didn't see the harm in telling him parts of what happened. After all, Sebastian doesn't really get along with Blaine and his friends at the moment. Giving too much information may add more fuel to the fire. "I just got into a huge argument with my best friend. They stormed out on me and we sort of ended the conversation by saying we weren't friends anymore. When I told someone else about it he just said that we were being dramatic. Which maybe we were but it still hurts and I'm a bit bitter. It's just, I didn't think something so petty and small would blow up so bad between us. I thought our friendship was stronger than that."

Hurt and bitter that was the best way to describe what you were feeling. The thought of never speaking to Sebastian or being with him made an unpleasant feeling rise in your chest. Despite that discomfort at loosing Sebastian you still couldn't deny how your blood boiled at simply the thought of his shitty behavior.

"Oh, well maybe your friend is hurt because they're scared they disappointed you. From the way you described your relationship it seems like you two are incredibly close. Just give your friend time to calm down and then talk," Blaine suggested with nothing but understanding and kindness emitting from him.

"Yeah, maybe. But enough of this sadness, and enough about me. I have an amazing friend in front of me right now and I refuse to spoil this moment with my issues," you said moving from your seat and grabbing his hand. Blaine didn't make any movements to stop you, rather he laughed as you pulled him to your car.

Blaine's face seemed to turn into one of endearment as the two of you pulled up to Dalton Academy, but it was still hard to tell from his sunglasses. "It feels like it's been forever since I've been here," Blaine mumbled as he waited for you to take the lead to your dorm.

By the time you two reached your dorm, you guys may have caused a bit of ruckus. After all, Blaine was practically a superstar here at Dalton. Trent came rushing towards you two the second he noticed Blaine. And whether fortunately or unfortunately Sebastian was also here with Trent. He didn't pay much attention to you two, but you could easily see his eyes widen and his face turned sour. Trent easily pulled you out of your soon to be dark thoughts with a bone-crushing group hug.

"I thought I'd never see you again Blaine! And to see that you've become so friendly with (y/n) is always a pleasant thing to see. After all, few can resist the charm and charisma that he has," Trent said wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

"Trent you fake as fuck," you scoffed playfully, "Since when where you so touchy and loving towards me? Everyone here knows our friendship is built on extreme sass and pettiness."

Trent softly smacks the back of your head while giving you a look. "Whatever (l/n), I don't need you," Trent teased, you can hear Blaine's laughter when Trent ran both his hands through your hair. "If anything you need me."

You raised a brow at Trent and challenged his words, "Oh really? Tell me why I would ever need you Nixon," you decided to use his last name as a way to return the favor since he used yours.

Trent smirked smugly before he leaned in to whisper in your ear, "I'm just trying to speed up the process for my two dearest friends."

You discreetly looked at Sebastian, already knowing what he was talking about. You then sent a look to Trent, "Boy, go off with your husband already."

"Oh no, Sebastian and I may be extremely close. But we are not as close as you two are," Trent said giving you the hand.

"Wait. Y-you're friends with Sebastian?" Blaine asked with a shocked and maybe even hurt tone.

"Oh yeah, but enough about that. Trent be gone. Blaine and I have an important meeting to attend to in my room, alone," you said before anything else could happen.

"Don't make it weird," Trent deadpanned at you as you closed the door on his face to get into your dorm.

Once you and Blaine got settled down, you automatically went into the bathroom to bleach your hair. Blaine leaned against the doorway as he watched you gather your materials and put on your latex gloves.

"Do you even know what you're doing?" He questioned you once he noticed you staring at the bottle of hair bleach.

"No, but that's okay," you said looking at him with your voice getting progressively higher, "sometimes you just gotta go head first into something that can potentially damage your head. That's just how life is."

"I don't think that'd be a very good idea," Blaine said with a polite smile, raising a brow before he snatched the box for instructions.

While Blaine was reading off the instructions to you he pulled up a chair to sit at the entrance of the bathroom. Soon he finished and glanced up to you. "Well this seems simple enough. You just gotta mix the hair bleach with shampoo and developer. And then apply it to your hair," Blaine instructed as he gathered the materials for you.

"So, you're good friends with Sebastian or..." Blaine asked, his voice trailing off while he mixed the ingredients. 

You tensed, the atmosphere getting murky. "Um, no not really," you said awkwardly, trying to make it sound like you didn't care much about him, "But what are you doing Blainey? I'm suppose to be doing my own hair, my good sir." You attempted to lighten the mood by teasing him.

Blaine didn't miss a beat at your prodding, "Well, as the gentleman I am, shouldn't it be my duty to help this young maiden get all the spots on his head?"

You internally winced at the feminine choice of words but brushed it off with a joke, "Expect I too am a gentleman. Not to mention you're my guest, Mr. Anderson."

Blaine laughed, enjoying your reaction to the cold mixture as he plastered it on your head.

"Why is that so cold," you whined as he gripped onto your hair to color your roots. 

Blaine let out a small laugh before he proceeded to dye it. As the two of you got a good shade of pink to use. "You know, I'm not going to freak out if you're friends with Sebastian," Blaine started once the room got quiet. You couldn't tell if he was being sincere or was just saying that as a way to get you to talk, but in the end you decided to take his word for it.

"I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable, almost everyone knows what happened between you two," you said blankly, honestly having no clue where this was headed.

"I'm just curious, why. Why are you friends with him? He's not really a good guy," Blaine awkwardly commented.

You felt your stomach churn at his words. You understood why he had such a low opinion of Sebastian, you most definitely did. But that didn't stop the impulse to defend your crus-friend. Trying not to get snappy and trying to ignore the heated feeling you suddenly got, you replied, "He's a very caring guy when he wants to be. Plus he's very funny. I mean, he's an ass for sure, or at least he was an ass. But if he really cares enough he can be sweet."

Thinking back on your time spent with Sebastian you can't really think of a single time where he was genuinely trying to make you feel bad, the exception being the fight of course. 

"I mean, sure he's very dirty and a bit rude but he's never tried to actually hurt me or the Warblers. And honestly I was shocked when I found out what he did. I couldn't really picture him doing those things," you said as Blaine finished up. Blaine looked at you, clearly listening to what you were saying and taking it to heart. "I can't really pinpoint what made him act the way he did to you and your friends. He's usually a lot more calmer on a day to day basis."

After your small talk about Sebastian, you two decided to say goodbye. You wanted to take Blaine back to his house, after all you were who dragged him all out to Dalton unexpectedly. However, he insisted that he was just going to take the bus home. You couldn't really blame him. He just found out that his new friend was cozy with the guy who nearly blinded him.

It wasn't long before you were alone in your dorm. You slipped into the shower, ready to finish off the rest of your hair. As you rinsed out your hair you suddenly felt extremely lonely. Usually at around this time you were with the Warblers. They'd be figuring out a routine or who's going to sing what. If not figuring out their performances then they'd be practicing. Watching them practice was always the best, especially when they tried to include you into their routines. Sebastian and the rest of them weren't quite done with trying to recruit you.

One of the best thing about hanging out during Warbler practice though was watching Jeff and Nick. They were so cute; watching them dance, sing, and play together made you feel giddy. All you ever wanted was a relationship like theirs. Not to mention that they were both so fun hang around with. It's nearly impossible to find them not causing trouble. It's like it's in their DNA and it's what makes them such good partners in crime. They were always playing with someone. You found yourself the target of their plans multiple times. It also doesn't help that Trent and many of the other Warblers, Antonio mostly, encourage their behavior.

Despite being alone in your shower, your felt yourself grow bashful and even embarrassed with what their last 'scheme' was.

It started off as any normal practice, or at least as normal as it could get with them. Antonio and Trent, being two of your closest friends besides Sebastian, took it upon themselves to try and pry information about your life. Nick and Jeff were the only two other boys who where actually listening. Thad and David chatted amongst each other, probably about a former Warbler named Wes who they often mention. Jon sat with Cameron and Flint, the three of them just relaxing on one of the many couches all tangled in one another. You, Antonio, and Trent were in a similar position as the other trio but Nick and Jeff hung off the arms of the couch. Antonio was poking your cheek and it was taking most of your will power to not push them off the couch.

"Bro, what the fuck," you mumbled as you lazily glanced at them. You weren't too bothered by them but you wouldn't say that their prodding wasn't unnoticeable.

Antonio simply shrugged, before asking, "So, we all know you like Sebastian. When are you going to ask him out."

You rolled your eyes at their comment. Before you could respond Trent butted into the conversation, "Yeah. He definitely likes you too. He didn't even serenade Blaine like he did for you."

Nick and Jeff both nodded in agreement. "Trust us when we say he's very fond of you," Jeff started, to have Nick finish, "He doesn't put up with us like he puts up with you."

As much as you hated to admit it, you felt your face heat up at their words. The idea of being one of the few who Sebastian actually bothers with fills you with a special joy.

"I have a great idea for a song we can sing," Sebastian said as he casually strolled into the room. Immediately you responded, not wanting to give the others and chance to do something stupid, "What song?"

"8TEEN by Khalid," he responded without missing a beat.

"How about we do Another Sad Love Song instead?" Jeff asked, casting you a smirk. You could feel your body getting heated and you already knew you were turning pink. Nobody but Trent seemed to notice; Sebastian and Jeff bickered a bit which gave Trent the perfect opportunity to wrap his arms around you. 

"Woke up a little too late this morning

But I think I'll be okay. I'll be okay

Damn, my car still smells like marijuana

My mom is gonna kill me. Gonna kill me

Traffic's backed up from corner to corner

So I guess I'll hit the highway. The highway

Shake away all the stress off my shoulders

Gonna have a good day. A good day."

Trent already started singing 8TEEN, much to Jeff's disappointment and Sebastian's amusement. He circled around you as he sang each note, clearly waiting for you to jump in. However Sebastian beat you to it, joining Trent in the circling.

"Because I'm eighteen

And I still live with my parents

Yeah they're not like your

Well yours are more understanding

I've never fell in love

I saved those felling for you

So let's do all the stupid shit that young kids do

It's me and you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

You, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Just me and you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Let's do all the stupid shit that young kids do."

The way Sebastian sung with such passion, playfulness, and seduction almost made you faint. You lived for the way all the Warblers where watching you and Sebastian. When confronted you would of course deny liking all the attention but that didn't change the fact that deep down you craved it. Sebastian had eyes for no one but you. You felt so intimate with him despite being in a room full of other people. The way he pulled you into dance and the way he sung into your ear made you feel like the lyrics were meant for you.

Yet here you were, in your shower alone.


	6. Expensive Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After ghosting all y’all for like four months I’m back!! This time I have a short chapter for you guys, and from now on my chapters will probably be shorter than how they’ve normally been. (I think my last chapter was a couple hundred over 4,000 words, but for now I’m going to make my chapters around the 1,000-2,000 range)

“Ah fuck!”

A scorching pain clouded your mind and you felt the wall rumble with your collapse to the ground. Curling over into fetal position you yelled out to Siri, hoping that the robot would be able to hear you over the running water.

“Siri call Ma on speakerphone!”

Soon a robotic voice echoed around the bathroom: calling ma.

“(y/n)? Is everything okay?”

“No. Ma, I need you to call the school nurse for me. I think I got hair bleach in my eyes. It burns so much!” you choked out, reaching for the shower knob with your eyes sealed tightly shut.

“Hair bleach? Oh my god, alright I’ll get back to you!”

Soon the only sounds in your dorm were your fumbling footsteps and cries of pain. Your hands latched onto the wall as you patted everywhere looking for your towel. Soon your fingertips grazed along something fuzzy and you immediately rubbed your eye lids, hoping to remove any remaining bleach. Patting a little further to the right you felt the soft fabric of ‘your’ lacrosse sweater and threw it over your head. 

A loud pounding at the door startled you as you struggled to put on your pajama pants. Eventually you managed to make your way out of the bathroom to hear a jingle of keys, soon your dorm door was open.

“(l/n)? (l/n) here, sit on the wheelchair.”

Someone who you could only assume was the school nurse dragged you into a wheelchair and you could hear her footsteps accompanied by your muffled cries.

Once she finally made it to the clinic, you dumbly followed the direction of her yanking. She shoved you down into a chair and you whined when she began to clean the area around your eyes.

“Alright, now I’m going to need you to open your eyes. I need to flush out any bleach with water.”

Opening your eyes? That was the absolute last thing you wanted to do but seeing as the other option was to probably permanently fuck up your eye you decided that it was your best bet.

“Which eye was it that the bleach came in contact with?”

“Right,” you said opening both your eyes and cringing at the burning.

Tears began to form from the pain and you prepared yourself for the cleansing. The nurse filled a small glass with water and placed your eye over it. The cool rim rested uncomfortably along your eye socket and for a second you couldn’t help by wondered what death will feel like.

“One…” you weren’t ready for this.

“Two…” what if your reflexes made you close your eye?

Your head was aggressively tilted backwards and everything seemed to happen in slow motion. You kept your eyes peeled despite the impulse to close them shut again. 

“Oh god, whatever happened to on the count of four.”

“I’ve learned that the element of surprise is much more effective.”

It was incredibly awkward, holding a glass cup full of water to your eye. The nurse eventually walked off to call the emergency room and it took all your power not to throw the glass into the sink. Seconds turned into minutes which turned into hours. While it may have only been about 15 minutes at most it certainly felt like much more time as went by.

Finally, you were able to put the cup down. Blinking a few times you took a seat, grateful that the sharp pain lessened into a dull ache. However, you’d still need to be admitted into the hospital much to your dismay.

It wasn’t long until a pair of paramedics came with a wheelchair, which you didn’t find to be necessary. Must’ve been part of protocol or something, but needless to say it did cause a bit of an easily avoided scene.

Receptionist after receptionist, doctor after doctor, nurse after nurse, and two hysterical parents passed until you were finally resting in a hospital bed. You had no close family besides your mom and dad, both of which had to go back to work. So you were left alone with the boring blares of the news. 

You were fine with sulking in the empty room, but soon the ringing of your phone caused you to glance down to find that your mom was calling you.

“Hello?” you asked hesitantly, expecting an upcoming lecture.

“How are you feeling? If you need anything just let me know so I can clock out early.”

“No I don’t need anything, my eyes is just sore but I guess that just comes with pink eye doesn’t it?”

She chuckled at your remark and you couldn’t help but wish that you were a little kid again so you could cuddle with her as she read you bedtime stories. 

“Today hasn’t really been good to you has it? First you get hair bleach into it and then you get pink eye from it.”

“Honestly I think that’s the highlight of today, you have no idea how bad it’s been.”

“Are you sure everything’s okay? You can tell me anything (y/n).”

“I’m sure ma, I don’t really want to talk right now though. I’ll call you tomorrow though.”

“Okay, goodnight. I love you”

“Night ma, I love you too.” you said softly, suddenly feeling awful.

Sighing in disbelief at the day you’ve had you closed your eyes. You pulled your arms back into the lacrosse sweater and submerged yourself into the warmth. Pulling the collar closer to your nose you took in the strong smell of coffee and cigarettes— Sebastian. 

Was it wrong of you to wish that Sebastian would walk through the door with a rose and chocolates? Or to wish for him to take a seat in the chair next to your bed and rest his head against the side rail with his pale eyes staring up at you in sympathy. Was it wrong that despite how much of a dick he was you wanted him to come back and hold your hand? Maybe it was unrealistic to hope for Sebastian to drop by, but a little part of you wished that he cared enough to check up on you to only find out that you were in the hospital; and then for him to go rushing to find you. But he was stubborn, as were you, and more likely than not he was getting drunk at Scandals.

A knock at the door caused your eyes to snap open and your heart dropped about six floors into your small intestines. Calming your haywire nerves, you let out a shaky: “come in.”

When you were met with the baby face of Trent you couldn’t stop the silent sigh of disappointment. Soon Antonio and Jeff trailed in behind him. 

“First of all, I would just like to say that I’m sorry for earlier. When I tried to drag Sebastian to you. It’s just that he came to me complaining after you left my dorm. So I figured if I trapped you two that you’ll get to talking sooner. Maybe I prejudged, I shouldn’t have pushed you two so soon after a fight.”

“Trent, it’s fine,” you interrupted, knowing that he’d keep on rambling, “it’s our drama. I’m just grateful that I have a friend who cares so much.”

Trent smiled back at you when he noticed the twitching of your lips.

“Now that that’s settled,” he continued, “Are you stupid or just stupid?”

Antonio snorted from behind Trent and lightly smacked his arm.

You flinched when you felt the hits coming from the bouquet that he brought in. Trying to control your smile and muffle your laughs you raised your arms up in defense.

“What made you think bleaching your hair was a good idea? And how could you be so careless to get it in your eye?” Trent shouted at you, letting go of the bouquet as Antonio grabbed it out of his hands. Antonio then gently placed the bouquet on your lap and you gave them a smile.

“I can’t believe you’d beat me with my own flowers,” you teased as you sat up to look at everyone better. “But to answer your question, I just thought that it’ll make me feel better if I did something different.”

“You know I could’ve helped you bleach it right? Probably could’ve helped you avoid all this too.” Jeff casually said, dropping a king’s sized pack of Reese’s onto your lap.

“In hindsight that probably would’ve been the best thing to do but… I don’t know I guess it was just impulsive. I wanted to do something that I wouldn’t have normally done with Sebastian.”

“Is that why you brought Blaine to your dorm?”

You never really thought of it like that. Maybe subconsciously you wanted to spite Sebastian by bringing the boy who rejected him into your dorm. Maybe that’s why you had no problem with flaunting off the fact that you met Blaine.

Trent must’ve taken your silence as a yes because he simply sighed and sat down next to your bed. He grabbed ahold of your hand and you raised a brow.

“It’ll all be okay (y/n).”

Antonio sat at the edge of the bed and grabbed ahold of the remote, changing the station to Nickelodeon. The Spongebob Movie was on and it was ironically at the bubble blowing babies part, so of course Jeff and Antonio were quick to recite the scene. You couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of two teenagers getting excited over Spongebob, but it was too be expected. Spongebob is a timeless gem. 

Looking around at your fellow Dalton students you allowed for yourself to relax. While you were really hoping for Sebastian to be one of the first ones to visit you also couldn’t deny that being surrounded feels just as good, maybe even better. Which is why for the night, you shoved away worries about Sebastian to the back of your mind.


End file.
